This weekend, I hit a wall. A big wall. Made of bricks. And lots of mortar. The third little pig made my wall.
Nothing really led up to it, but when I hit it, I hit it hard. I almost fell asleep at my parent's during family dinner, and I told Troy he had to drive home because I was too exhausted. He remarked "holy crap, this is serious because you never complain or give in". It's true. My ROTC roots run deep. I'm bad ass. Unless spiders are involved. And then it's a whole new ball game.
We got home from my parent's, and I got my second wind, and cut Troy's hair, cleaned the bathrooms, and tidied the house. But it returned the next day. That wall of mine. Bitch. Dumb wall bitch.
I'm not going to complain (that much) because what is going on is nothing that billions of moms haven't experienced in thousands of years. Too much shit to do with too few hours in the day, and too few hands. And perhaps boobs if you're nursing. Side note: the La Lache League leader at my local group told me to stop having kids when there were more kids than boobs. Good call.
I'm not going to compare myself to being a single mom, because real single moms work their asses off day in and day out with no end in sight. At least my husband shows up every 48 hours and stays for 20 ish hours. But still, I'm tired of being a "single" mom while Troy is off on this journey that we've put ourselves on. I'm tired. I'm just tired. Feeling like you're trying to run through Jell-O tired.
So, this week, I'm taking a mini vacay (most annoying sorority girl word EVER) from blogging. I'll try to hop on at some point because I have some yummy homemade holiday treats to share, but no promises. My blogging time is in the 2.5 hour window I have each night to clean the house, prep for the next day, and try to do approximately 1 billion other things before bed calls. Jessie Spano, where are you and your No Doz when I need you? I'm so excited! I'm so excited! I'm so, I'm so...(sob)
I do wish I could take a 24 hour vacation from life. Just check myself in to a hotel somewhere and relax. But I know that would never happen for a multitude of reasons. A big reason being that I'm too type A (hyper J if you know Meyers Briggs) to relax. I'm the kind of girl who puts "make to do list" on her to do lists so that I can check something off right away. Instant gratification of getting stuff accomplished!
The biggest reason though, is that life isn't a DVR; you can't just push pause and you can't just push rewind. You need to live it live (you might need to read that a few times before it makes sense). You need to remember the silly moments, learn from the mistakes, and take joy in the happy times. And I don't do that well. At least once a day, I snap at Jack for something that is normal toddler behavior. And at least twice a day I sneak in to his room while he sleeps to kiss his little head and to beg his forgiveness. I then pledge to be a better momma the next day, and god knows how hard I try. I don't always make headwind, but god knows I try.
So, tonight, I'm off to finish up a bunch of crap I have to do. But before I go, I'm going to leave you with a little story that had me thankful that I did so many kegals while pregnant, because I was so close to peeing my pants in the car.
This morning, Jack and I were playing "I Spy" on the way to my aunts. He had been tooting in his car seat the whole trip.
Jack: I spy something STINKY!
Me: Um, is it your butt?
Jack: You are correct mommy!!!
Charmed I'm sure.